2 posts tagged “friends”
It's a sobering reality to face that the person you love is a pathological liar. The problem lies in not ever knowing what about your relationship is true or false. You can't decipher the truth. The best you can do is try to put the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle. But the catch is there's always missing pieces. Actually, the best thing to do is leave at the first sign of deception.
For example, my friend was supposed to be a manager of a flagship corporation. But she lived in subsidized housing. Still, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Bad move. Should have moved on.
Anyway, next time I'll do my best to heed the warning signs. For some things, you don't need a GPS.
Ciao 4 niao.
Last week, my friend insisted that submit some photos to the Esquire Best Dressed Real Man contest, which is held on-line at Esquire.com. I thought not much of it and initially declined the invitation. But after much prodding, I took her up on the offer and sent in the photos along with a 10-word description.
Then, I had to send out a link to my friends asking (begging) them to visit the site and cast a vote in my honor. Many have succumbed to this shameless act of self-promotion, much to my chagrin. Several have sent their compliments to me along with a few funny remarks. It has been an interesting experience putting myself out there for my friends entertainment.
But something really happened when I sent out a second email to my work & business associates. My motivation was to show them a lighter side of myself that I typically try to keep separate. A few of them responded, as I expected. But something occurred in me that I had not anticipated. I began feeling very liberated.
It was as if I had come out of a shell that I have been living in most of my adult life. By offering my friends a glimpse of these pictures, I was inviting to see a more complete me. The pictures show me in 1) a clergy robe, 2) an outfit that I wear only on Xmas and Valentines Day, and 3) the head shot posted here. I consider these self-revealing because they show a more private side of my being that is typically reserved for close friends and strangers.
As a member of the clergy, I have discovered that it easy to get caught up in the role. But even more significant is getting caught up in the expectations that others have of the role, which can easily become the driving force of my life and other members of the clergy. I've come to understand that being driven by others' expectations is akin to letting others call the shots of my life. I now how this position in contempt.
As an Air Force officer and chaplain, I recognize that many people view me in a certain way. Officership and clergy combined has its privileges and inherent authority. I enjoy both. But again, it is easy to get caught up with the image and role and expectations of others and allow that whole set of dynamics drive my life. It can control and author my behavior in ways that I allow, but also lead me down a primrose path of followership that might be otherwise inauthentic. By showing the pictures to people in my military unit, I feel that I have broken that mold in some ways. I can show them that I am not, in totality, the person behind the insignia nor the badge that chaplains wear. In other words, there is more to me than the uniform suggests. I can still be the person in the uniform, yet I can be the rest of me, too, at the same time.
As a black middle class man that hangs out with a lot of other black middle class folk, it is easy to fall in step with a behavior that is fitting of the black middle-class mindset. We talk a certain way, have certain values, and definitely by things that depict middle-class success. Clothing falls into this category. Certain styles of clothes says "black!" more than others. I believe the red trousers that I wear in one of my photos goes against such values and standards. So I've taken a bit of heat over this picture, although it's all in jest. But I realize that some of it is an unspoken reaction to defying the middle-class buppie look. So by presenting this look to others, I feel quite liberated and more self-authored than ever before. Again, it's another way of coming out.
I frequently hear people making reference to how short life is. Life is too short to do this or that. Life is too short not to do this or not do that. Most of such expressions have some element of truth, but mainly they are a reflection of someone being flippant for a moment. Life is short relatively speaking. But for most of us, life doesn't begin until we really take charge of life in its totality. Until that time, life is not so much short as it is limited and controlled by others on many levels. Becoming a self-authoring person where I am less influenced by others' perceptions and expectations is what coming out of my shell has meant for me since the whole Esquire thing.
Now, for the big moment. Here is the link to the Esquire contest. Please vote for Me! Five stars, please!!
Esquire's 2007 Best Dressed Real Man in America contest. Visit Xolani's profile and rank him 'best dressed'.
http://www.esquirebdrm.com/index.php?viewID=277
